So Many Roads to Choose

This commercial moves me, but I'm still not convinced that online universities have the credibility that "real live" universities do. You can get as many well spoken celebrities as you want to do a commercial for you, but unless they are graduates of that online university, their presence really doesn't have much validity. I think that the university system does need to go through an evolution. Times have changed. The world has changed. And really, the system hasn't. I'm sure there are courses, practices and procedures that haven't been looked at since the schools inception.

I'm thinking about going to back to school these days. I have several ideas about what I would want to study, school psychology, urban studies, or non-profit administration. The problem, is the actual act of going back to school. I can take the GRE. I've always been a pretty good test taker. I actually went to a party the night before I took my SATs (that I didn't study a lick for) and got a 1110. Not exceptional, but good. Mind you I look back now and know that I just wasn't ready for college at that point. I wanted to go and knew that it was important, I just didn't have my heart in it.

I digress, I've created this life for myself (and my boyfriend and dog). We don't live luxuriously, but in order to keep living the way we do (in a safe neighborhood, tons of mac & cheese in the pantry, and an occasional movie) there should be two moderate incomes. The school psychology degree would take me out of work for sure and the other two would require less time at work. I could work at night, but to be honest I have never been good at running on fumes. When I get tired I get a headache, delusional, and just plain clumsy. Yes, I could run myself into major debt with student loans. But then I really need to hope that my new income from the big degree I just got actually pays well enough to pay off that debt.

Also, the schools that offer these degrees aren't always near by. It's not just me anymore. I can't just get up and move (especially because I love where I live). So I have to think about transportation costs and time.

It's scary. What if the school system is still in shambles when I get done and they won't hire any school psychologists? What if I'm not good at being in charge of a non-profit? What if I don't know it all instantly? What if I'm not perfect at it from the start. High expectations? Maybe, but my lazy perfectionism keeps me from doing a lot of things. I don't want to do it unless I'm good at it. If I don't get a gold star once in a while, I loose my gusto.

What I do know is that I can't stay in my current position forever. I need to keep growing and learning and taking steps to get out of the typical "assistant" position. The title keeps me from putting my good ideas out there. I keep my mouth shut because I don't think that the people that have the actual authority would listen to an assistant. It may be just in my head, but it holds me back.

Ok, enough rambling. I've got some stuff to work out.